…I am on the schedule

…at “The Saint”, as my oral surgeon calls the hospital that I am going to be at.

I mentioned back in April that I had gotten braces to align my teeth for jaw surgery.  I wish I had written more about some of my crazy orthodontic appointments. 

You know, like the time I had to lay out a schedule for my orthodontist to show him that if we didn’t do some cutting in January then we wouldn’t be cutting until April (because of my old man’s work travel schedule).  He wasn’t a fan of having to come take care of me while Mr. Dr was out of town… and I wasn’t a fan of waiting until April since we had been discussing January 2012 since January 2011.  But it’s okay.  His thing is teeth…I guess my thing is being organized, scheduled and prompt.  I think he could use someone like me in his office – although the medical world and their sluggish nature would just grate on every single on of my nerves.

At any rate…I mentioned in that post that I would document the experience.  I didn’t document a whole lot up until this point.  It’s pretty uneventful.  If you’ve had braces – you’ve lived my last 12 months..except when you’re on the docket for surgery you get impressions done every other time you go once you get close to surgery time.  I had three sets made with one more happening before surgery.  Probably one shortly after surgery and then obviously a final one (at a minimum) for retainers.

FAQ’s:

(1) Will your jaw be wired shut??  I bet your husband will be happy about that!
Nope.  They will wire me closed during the surgery to make sure that they get “perfect” alignment, but I will be cut free before I wake up.  There will be rubber bands in my mouth to guide my jaw in my new bite.  I’m not sure how tight these rubber bands are going to be – but I have a feeling they are going to be tight.  Apparently if one breaks, I have to take the other off and then go to the office to be put back on.

(2) ZOMG, you are going to wither away. What are you going to eat???
ZOMG!  I be on a “non-chewing” diet for 6 weeks.  That’s vague as ever, right?  Basically it means that my teeth cannot come in contact with each other for 6 weeks.  After 6 weeks, I suppose I’ll have to take them out for a nice dinner and reintroduce them, otherwise it could get awkward.  Diet could (and may) include things like scrambled eggs, oatmeal, smoothies, mashed potatoes, apple sauce, pudding, jello, ice cream, etc etc.  The diet WILL NOT include hamburgers, steak, corn on the cob… so don’t bring them buy for me.

(3) I bet that’s going to be really, really, really painful! I feel for you.
Well, apparently your lower jaw is numb for the 6 weeks or so.  Or at least that’s what I’m told.  To me that says “cake walk” in the pain department – maybe some Aleve or Tylenol or something.  I brought this up with the oral surgeon – he said those weren’t strong enough pain meds.  So this stuff must be something fierce if numbness can’t hold it back.  We’ll see – I’ll have to come back and report on that.

(4) How long are you going to be out of work?  What’s your schedule??
Schedule:
Jan 16 –Surgical Hooks (I am sure they are as pleasant as they sound)
Jan 23 – Pre-assessment at the hospital + write “The Saint” a big fat check
Jan 24 – Pre-op with the surgeons – Dr. D and his Enforcer.  I hope I can get a picture of these guys.  Apparently they are the best and come highly recommended…and they are funny. Win-Win.
Jan 31 – D-Day.  Let’s get this girl a new grill.  Maybe some D cups while I’m under, too??

I will be out of work for at least 2 weeks…maybe 3-4 weeks.  But at least 2 full weeks.  Raise your hand if you want to come kick it with me while I’m out… We can watch Dr. Oz and other non-food related shows.